Had a great regular class with my teacher today (I need to come up with a pseudonym I guess, since 'my teacher' applies to more than just her...)
I should first say that I discovered why I was feeling so terrible again yesterday, after having been on the upswing the day before - my body does not appreciate large amounts of vitamin c. I got some emergen-c, for the first time ever, thinking it would be a better alternative to something like gatorade because it had electrolytes and vitamins but not the sugar and fake stuff. While that logic is probably valid, I can't see how people use multiple packets of it in a single day. I was feeling very nasty with just one! Fortunately before I had any this morning I decided to use the google machine just to see if there was anything I should know about it. 1,000mg is a lot of C. Unsurprisingly, too much. Nevertheless, lesson learned!
It was wonderful to be doing yoga today and feel good. And also to be in the presence of so many great yogis who want to be in class, and have great energy, and to have such a great teacher. I realized that one of the greatest things about the teachers I have, and the classes I go to, and the yoga community I am a part of is the pure love that is shared. Every teacher loves teaching, every student loves the inquiry, and we all have a shared love of yoga. But it isn't just love as a passion for this common activity or path, it is love in a compassionate and human sense. It is interconnectedness and investment and respect. It is the balance of our humanity and our appreciation of our shared mortality, and also and intense positive recognition of what is possible.
The balance of light and dark, male and female, sun and moon. Hatha.
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Ahimsa, Day 15
The yamas and the niyamas get a lot of overplay in the western world of yoga. They are very important, but as two of the eight limbs, all are equally important at their given moments of manifestation. But this is important.
I've been talking about this for two days now. About dealing with chronic illness, and maintaining a practice while trying to cultivate and appreciate a physical body that I am so often incredibly detached from, and yet inevitably tethered to.
Today my teacher's words echoed in my head as my mind mind fought to practice hard, and my body folded beneath me - "be kind to yourself."
And I read some this morning in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. I don't read as often from this book, or at least nothing that I cite actively here on this blog, but it is one of the most valuable texts I have.
1.10 "For those continually tempered by the heat of tapa (the three types of pain - spiritual, environmental and physical) hatha is like the hermitage giving protection from the heat. For those always united in yoga, hatha is the basis acting like a tortoise."
I found today that my yoga was both the tortoise and the hermitage. I found a foundation of strength mentally, in my knowledge of yoga and the peace of meditation, as well as the wisdom of reflection and not attaching to the situation. I also found the hermitage in yoga asanas that did offer some relief, and in knowing that asana practice (although a big part of my life right now) is not all that yoga is. In fact asana alone is only a smart part of the path of yoga, and seeing physical obstacles to practicing asana must be turned into an opportunity to focus on other facets of the prism that is yoga.
I do not know why I have this health problem. I have not navigated the web of my karma to understand where it comes from, or where it will take me. I only know that today my body is not in condition to do asana. Somedays my mind is not in condition to do meditation - I don't get frustrated or disappointed then. Why should my physical condition be different? This itself is a form of tapas - seeing the obstacles in front of you and choosing to face them. My tapas today wasn't my physical illness, it was my mental state.
I only did a few asanas today. I only did what felt good. My mind didn't like it, nor my ego. But how can I cultivate a heart of compassion toward other human beings if I cannot grant compassion to myself?
I've been talking about this for two days now. About dealing with chronic illness, and maintaining a practice while trying to cultivate and appreciate a physical body that I am so often incredibly detached from, and yet inevitably tethered to.
Today my teacher's words echoed in my head as my mind mind fought to practice hard, and my body folded beneath me - "be kind to yourself."
And I read some this morning in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. I don't read as often from this book, or at least nothing that I cite actively here on this blog, but it is one of the most valuable texts I have.
1.10 "For those continually tempered by the heat of tapa (the three types of pain - spiritual, environmental and physical) hatha is like the hermitage giving protection from the heat. For those always united in yoga, hatha is the basis acting like a tortoise."
I found today that my yoga was both the tortoise and the hermitage. I found a foundation of strength mentally, in my knowledge of yoga and the peace of meditation, as well as the wisdom of reflection and not attaching to the situation. I also found the hermitage in yoga asanas that did offer some relief, and in knowing that asana practice (although a big part of my life right now) is not all that yoga is. In fact asana alone is only a smart part of the path of yoga, and seeing physical obstacles to practicing asana must be turned into an opportunity to focus on other facets of the prism that is yoga.
I do not know why I have this health problem. I have not navigated the web of my karma to understand where it comes from, or where it will take me. I only know that today my body is not in condition to do asana. Somedays my mind is not in condition to do meditation - I don't get frustrated or disappointed then. Why should my physical condition be different? This itself is a form of tapas - seeing the obstacles in front of you and choosing to face them. My tapas today wasn't my physical illness, it was my mental state.
I only did a few asanas today. I only did what felt good. My mind didn't like it, nor my ego. But how can I cultivate a heart of compassion toward other human beings if I cannot grant compassion to myself?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sivananda, Day 14
It's a fine line between helping and hurting, and when you are ill or in a compromised state of health it is really important to know your body, know your current state, and know about the type of yoga you are about to practice.
I woke up yesterday feeling weak, dry, and uncharacteristically stiff. The stiff joints were the red flag, as I almost never have this problem. My knees didn't were heavy, my hips hurt, and my right foot was irritable. My shoulder, however, felt okay. I spent the majority of the day sleeping and hydrating. When it came time to head out to my usual sunday class, I took a long pause to consider whether that would be the best thing for me after doing 'damage control' all day.
Swami Sivananda was a medical doctor who, after receiving training in yoga, developed his own approach to yoga as a holistic way of living. Sivananda has a focus on relaxation and wellness, and was developed (as I understand it) so that anyone can practice yoga.
In my usual sunday class, we go through probably 12 postures, beginning and ending in savasana and also going back to savasana throughout the sequence. We spend several minutes in each pose, and the atmosphere is calm and relaxed. For this reason, I decided to go. Knowing that some of my health problems are tied in to the nervous system, one of the things that is most helpful in recovering is to use yoga to balance things back out. While I was low on energy through the class, I did feel more aligned afterwards.
I would not have practice astanga yoga feeling or being in the state that I was yesterday. I probably would not have practiced hatha either, at least not a full sequence or class. The more I study yoga, philosophy or physical tradition, the more solid I feel in my information and ability to practice appropriately. And in practicing appropriately, I am able to get to know my body and mind better, and unify my intellectual capacity with the more tangible aspects of practice.
It's all a lesson in the importance of practicing your yoga; we go to classes in studios with dozens of other people, or watch reknowned yogis practice on dvds or in books, and we are constantly approaching these from the perspective of 'oh, so that's what I should be doing.' The reality is, each of those practicioners, reknowned or unknown, is practicing his/her own yoga. We can observe this as an example of yoga, but we each have to decide what yoga is right for us individually in the present moment.
I woke up yesterday feeling weak, dry, and uncharacteristically stiff. The stiff joints were the red flag, as I almost never have this problem. My knees didn't were heavy, my hips hurt, and my right foot was irritable. My shoulder, however, felt okay. I spent the majority of the day sleeping and hydrating. When it came time to head out to my usual sunday class, I took a long pause to consider whether that would be the best thing for me after doing 'damage control' all day.
Swami Sivananda was a medical doctor who, after receiving training in yoga, developed his own approach to yoga as a holistic way of living. Sivananda has a focus on relaxation and wellness, and was developed (as I understand it) so that anyone can practice yoga.
In my usual sunday class, we go through probably 12 postures, beginning and ending in savasana and also going back to savasana throughout the sequence. We spend several minutes in each pose, and the atmosphere is calm and relaxed. For this reason, I decided to go. Knowing that some of my health problems are tied in to the nervous system, one of the things that is most helpful in recovering is to use yoga to balance things back out. While I was low on energy through the class, I did feel more aligned afterwards.
I would not have practice astanga yoga feeling or being in the state that I was yesterday. I probably would not have practiced hatha either, at least not a full sequence or class. The more I study yoga, philosophy or physical tradition, the more solid I feel in my information and ability to practice appropriately. And in practicing appropriately, I am able to get to know my body and mind better, and unify my intellectual capacity with the more tangible aspects of practice.
It's all a lesson in the importance of practicing your yoga; we go to classes in studios with dozens of other people, or watch reknowned yogis practice on dvds or in books, and we are constantly approaching these from the perspective of 'oh, so that's what I should be doing.' The reality is, each of those practicioners, reknowned or unknown, is practicing his/her own yoga. We can observe this as an example of yoga, but we each have to decide what yoga is right for us individually in the present moment.
Yoga with James Brown, Day 13
I am always amazed at the power of the mind.
I wanted to write that sentence to say "I am always amazed at the power of yoga" which is true, but in this situation inaccurate. Up until the moment I left my apartment this morning my body was absolutely falling apart. Having a chronic health problem, it is easy to forget how much of the situation is mind over matter. How I react to what is happening has a huge impact on how bad things get. And today was no different. It was pretty much like being in a building when the fire alarms are malfunctioning. The alarms just keep going off, evacuating the building, for no real emergency. And knowing that I had 4 hours of yoga, at least one of which would be really intense, ahead of me I was getting really worried.
I debated about whether to even go. Somewhere between knowing that I have to make the responsible decision for my body, and also that often the very thing I put off because of this problem is the very thing that will help. Ultimately I decided that I didn't physically feel that bad, and I did what I could to move toward the upswing and I headed on my way.
I walked all the way out to Bloomingdale, maybe a mile? Climbing some pretty serious snowbanks.
James' classes are grueling, physically. My muscles burn during the warm up. And during the rest of the class. His sequences are creative and deliberately planned from a physical perspective. He's funny. His music is good. It's a nice novelty to have once in awhile. I really value the opportunity to learn from him and experience his wealth of knowledge about yoga. But just as last time, I was listening to everyone rave about him endlessly after the fact, and I realized that for me there is a piece missing from his class. There is something that I get, associate, need, value, resonate with in my usual classes that wasn't there. Some element.
I'm still processing what that is, exactly. I'm close, but I haven't quite put my finger on it. I think it is an exemplary circumstance of "to each their own, to teach their own". If we never experience other styles, traditions, techniques, ideas we will never know what works for us. And if we never find what works for us, how can we then offer that unique perspective to someone else out there who maybe hasn't quite found their yoga?
And, I do feel better.
I wanted to write that sentence to say "I am always amazed at the power of yoga" which is true, but in this situation inaccurate. Up until the moment I left my apartment this morning my body was absolutely falling apart. Having a chronic health problem, it is easy to forget how much of the situation is mind over matter. How I react to what is happening has a huge impact on how bad things get. And today was no different. It was pretty much like being in a building when the fire alarms are malfunctioning. The alarms just keep going off, evacuating the building, for no real emergency. And knowing that I had 4 hours of yoga, at least one of which would be really intense, ahead of me I was getting really worried.
I debated about whether to even go. Somewhere between knowing that I have to make the responsible decision for my body, and also that often the very thing I put off because of this problem is the very thing that will help. Ultimately I decided that I didn't physically feel that bad, and I did what I could to move toward the upswing and I headed on my way.
I walked all the way out to Bloomingdale, maybe a mile? Climbing some pretty serious snowbanks.
James' classes are grueling, physically. My muscles burn during the warm up. And during the rest of the class. His sequences are creative and deliberately planned from a physical perspective. He's funny. His music is good. It's a nice novelty to have once in awhile. I really value the opportunity to learn from him and experience his wealth of knowledge about yoga. But just as last time, I was listening to everyone rave about him endlessly after the fact, and I realized that for me there is a piece missing from his class. There is something that I get, associate, need, value, resonate with in my usual classes that wasn't there. Some element.
I'm still processing what that is, exactly. I'm close, but I haven't quite put my finger on it. I think it is an exemplary circumstance of "to each their own, to teach their own". If we never experience other styles, traditions, techniques, ideas we will never know what works for us. And if we never find what works for us, how can we then offer that unique perspective to someone else out there who maybe hasn't quite found their yoga?
And, I do feel better.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Astanga, Day 12
So this city has been 'snowed in' for nearly a week, and in that week most of us have been 'working from home' because offices were 'closed'. When you are out of your routine, especially when that is more or less out of your control, you tend to let things go. Sleeping in, eating whatever you have (because it isn't exactly easy to get to the store! and if you do, what's left to buy?), and generally not doing much.
Then you have that moment. After the event, after you've begun to feel the effects of the inconsistency. Agitation that is unexplainable. Try cleaning out the apartment. Calming music. Making art. Sleeping. None of it works. Then the light bulb comes on, and you're back in the game.
My shoulder felt stiff today, and the first few down dogs were less that comfortable. But the surprises were in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana where I was able to extend my leg out on both sides, and most of my jumpbacks to chaturanga were nice and controlled.
I finished the set of Janu folds and then hit savasana. Not going to push it, though I had energy to spare, which was a nice change. I trucked through the earlier parts of the series, which is a good sign that my breathing is more consistent and my pace is also better.
I meditated earlier today, for probably 30 minutes. I think that helped some, but I was quite wound up and when I finally stepped on the mat it just felt amazing. I'm planning some serious TLC on my shoulder in prep for tomorrow. It's finally Friday, for real.
Then you have that moment. After the event, after you've begun to feel the effects of the inconsistency. Agitation that is unexplainable. Try cleaning out the apartment. Calming music. Making art. Sleeping. None of it works. Then the light bulb comes on, and you're back in the game.
My shoulder felt stiff today, and the first few down dogs were less that comfortable. But the surprises were in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana where I was able to extend my leg out on both sides, and most of my jumpbacks to chaturanga were nice and controlled.
I finished the set of Janu folds and then hit savasana. Not going to push it, though I had energy to spare, which was a nice change. I trucked through the earlier parts of the series, which is a good sign that my breathing is more consistent and my pace is also better.
I meditated earlier today, for probably 30 minutes. I think that helped some, but I was quite wound up and when I finally stepped on the mat it just felt amazing. I'm planning some serious TLC on my shoulder in prep for tomorrow. It's finally Friday, for real.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Hatha - Day 9
I mentioned before how one of the neat things about doing Astanga is that I am able to focus on each pose as I do it, primarily because I don't have to figure out or worry about what comes next or how to get there. What I am going to do is already decided, I only have to focus on doing it.
On the flip side, being in class and having someone (the teacher) guiding you through each movement, and often adding cues for inhaling and exhaling offers the same benefit. Maybe I noticed that this week in class because I had also noticed it in my personal practice. Or maybe feeling that relief comes as a reflection of my underlying feelings about playing that role for myself. Do I trust the Astanga practice to guide me adequately? Am I feeling insecure about my ability to perform the asanas accurately and safely on my own? Or is it simply an enhanced appreciation for the trust I have built in my regular teachers and familiar environments?
Maybe some of each. Class on tuesday was more a mental endurance challenge than a physical one - which is not to discount either as better or worse than the other. Some of the best classes I've taken have been the ones that take a few basic postures and turn them into a mind-blowing exercise in will power and humility. This week though, the mental focus was almost a vacation from some of the physically challenging aspects of Astanga.
On the flip side, being in class and having someone (the teacher) guiding you through each movement, and often adding cues for inhaling and exhaling offers the same benefit. Maybe I noticed that this week in class because I had also noticed it in my personal practice. Or maybe feeling that relief comes as a reflection of my underlying feelings about playing that role for myself. Do I trust the Astanga practice to guide me adequately? Am I feeling insecure about my ability to perform the asanas accurately and safely on my own? Or is it simply an enhanced appreciation for the trust I have built in my regular teachers and familiar environments?
Maybe some of each. Class on tuesday was more a mental endurance challenge than a physical one - which is not to discount either as better or worse than the other. Some of the best classes I've taken have been the ones that take a few basic postures and turn them into a mind-blowing exercise in will power and humility. This week though, the mental focus was almost a vacation from some of the physically challenging aspects of Astanga.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Astanga, Day 8
I practiced for 90 minutes tonight, though I only got to Marichyasana B (which I didn't do because I hate those half lotus poses). I added Bridge and Upward Bow, then hit Savasana.
I started out with a huge knot that I have had in my shoulder for a couple of days. I've tried to work it out, but it is very deep, and I wasn't sure how the yoga would affect it. My sun salutes were great, if slightly sloppy at the end of the B set because I was getting tired. Very smooth, very strong, and for the most part very accurate. I even found myself closing my eyes at different points thanks to doing that every week in Sivananda. My jump backs were great and solid, and my body warmed up very quickly. I did find myself getting a little anxious as I got heated up; I don't usually like getting really hot and sweating a lot since for me it is usually a sign that I am either sick or dehydrated. I think it will just take me awhile to get used to making that happen deliberately, because it is really quite important to keeping the body safe during the practice.
My shoulder was fine. Better even, as I got really warm. I bound almost everything (except those stinking half-lotuses), and my standing poses were brilliant. I did get a case of the dizzies after my wide-leg forward folds. I haven't figured out what causes that.
I did, for the first time today, appreciate already having my practice set out. I didn't have to sit down before had, or in the middle of a practice I had already begun, and figure out what all I wanted to do and in what order. It was already there - all I had to do was walk onto my mat and get started. I'm starting to enjoy the quiet time. And as I get the sequencing down, I am able to focus more on alignment or fine tuning my poses, and I get better at keeping present and counting my breath. The Sun Salutations and Standing Poses (except the wide leg forward bends) are enjoyable. Very cool since this is only the start of week 2.
I started out with a huge knot that I have had in my shoulder for a couple of days. I've tried to work it out, but it is very deep, and I wasn't sure how the yoga would affect it. My sun salutes were great, if slightly sloppy at the end of the B set because I was getting tired. Very smooth, very strong, and for the most part very accurate. I even found myself closing my eyes at different points thanks to doing that every week in Sivananda. My jump backs were great and solid, and my body warmed up very quickly. I did find myself getting a little anxious as I got heated up; I don't usually like getting really hot and sweating a lot since for me it is usually a sign that I am either sick or dehydrated. I think it will just take me awhile to get used to making that happen deliberately, because it is really quite important to keeping the body safe during the practice.
My shoulder was fine. Better even, as I got really warm. I bound almost everything (except those stinking half-lotuses), and my standing poses were brilliant. I did get a case of the dizzies after my wide-leg forward folds. I haven't figured out what causes that.
I did, for the first time today, appreciate already having my practice set out. I didn't have to sit down before had, or in the middle of a practice I had already begun, and figure out what all I wanted to do and in what order. It was already there - all I had to do was walk onto my mat and get started. I'm starting to enjoy the quiet time. And as I get the sequencing down, I am able to focus more on alignment or fine tuning my poses, and I get better at keeping present and counting my breath. The Sun Salutations and Standing Poses (except the wide leg forward bends) are enjoyable. Very cool since this is only the start of week 2.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sivananda, Day 7
Ah Sunday.
Nothing like trekking through 30 inches of snow for nearly a mile on unscraped sidewalks and roads to go to yoga. On my way back, a couple even asked me if I had a good class! I did!
Sunday is Sivananda day - or 'Steveananda' as we like to call it because Steve teaches it. One of the best classes every week, because in all its simplicity it is as challenging or relaxing as I want it to be. There is no place I would rather be on a Sunday night than at yoga, keeping my mind clear from the stress of the upcoming week and remembering what's really important.
Sivananda yoga, like Astanga, consists of a set of poses that are traditionally performed every day. Sivananda is gentler than Astanga by a long shot, with a focus on relaxation. Inversions are done at the beginning, and standing poses are done at the end. The class has definitely become my weekend retreat of sorts. I also learn a lot about myself, and my mental and physical state, in that class. Because the class isn't necessarily physically intense, the little things come to the surface. And with all the time spent in savasana, it is not difficult to completely forget you are in yoga class if you don't keep your mind present.
In recognizing all the folks who were without power during this winter storm, or who suffered collapsed roofs or frozen pipes, or house fires, or simply didn't have enough heat, I was also reminded how very fortunate I am. My apartment is cozy and warm. I have food in my pantry, and warm clothes to wear. I have electricity and internet and hot water. I can even bundle up and trek out to the grocery store or a yoga class. Being able to take yoga at a studio, especially such a great one with such great teachers and fellow students, is a luxury. One I am incredibly grateful and humbled to have. With luxury comes responsibility - I have this knowledge of yoga, and I know that while many people do yoga in fancy studios with teachers and classes and 'yoga clothes', ultimately none of that is necessary. Anyone can do yoga, and anyone who does yoga will benefit from it. It is my responsibility to share my knowledge so that other people can know yoga and do yoga and benefit from it.
Nothing like trekking through 30 inches of snow for nearly a mile on unscraped sidewalks and roads to go to yoga. On my way back, a couple even asked me if I had a good class! I did!
Sunday is Sivananda day - or 'Steveananda' as we like to call it because Steve teaches it. One of the best classes every week, because in all its simplicity it is as challenging or relaxing as I want it to be. There is no place I would rather be on a Sunday night than at yoga, keeping my mind clear from the stress of the upcoming week and remembering what's really important.
Sivananda yoga, like Astanga, consists of a set of poses that are traditionally performed every day. Sivananda is gentler than Astanga by a long shot, with a focus on relaxation. Inversions are done at the beginning, and standing poses are done at the end. The class has definitely become my weekend retreat of sorts. I also learn a lot about myself, and my mental and physical state, in that class. Because the class isn't necessarily physically intense, the little things come to the surface. And with all the time spent in savasana, it is not difficult to completely forget you are in yoga class if you don't keep your mind present.
In recognizing all the folks who were without power during this winter storm, or who suffered collapsed roofs or frozen pipes, or house fires, or simply didn't have enough heat, I was also reminded how very fortunate I am. My apartment is cozy and warm. I have food in my pantry, and warm clothes to wear. I have electricity and internet and hot water. I can even bundle up and trek out to the grocery store or a yoga class. Being able to take yoga at a studio, especially such a great one with such great teachers and fellow students, is a luxury. One I am incredibly grateful and humbled to have. With luxury comes responsibility - I have this knowledge of yoga, and I know that while many people do yoga in fancy studios with teachers and classes and 'yoga clothes', ultimately none of that is necessary. Anyone can do yoga, and anyone who does yoga will benefit from it. It is my responsibility to share my knowledge so that other people can know yoga and do yoga and benefit from it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
No-yoga day, Day 6
Today was my day of rest. Conveniently it seems, since there is about 2 feet of snow outside!
I won't name all my aches and pains. But I definitely have them. I'm looking forward to the other side of this phase, because once my body makes it past this threshold I will be able to really focus on progressing instead of holding back as much for physical reasons.
A lot of yoga poses are an issue of mind and body synching up. One of my favorite poses, Bakasana, is like that. Most people don't have a physical inability to achieve the pose, it is their mind that is the obstacle. This, and taking my mind to the right parts of my body to achieve a pose are what I encounter in my practice more often than actual physical obstacles.
When I first began teacher training back in the fall, I remember being informed that we would go through a lot of physical changes with all of the yoga, that there would be a point in which our bodies would break down and we would subsequently build them back up again. Still I was taken aback that things started to twinge after the first week. My shoulder. Or my elbow. Or my wrist. Or my back muscles putting me out for 4 days. A lot of things were indicative of poor alignment, and easily remedied themselves with that sort of attention. But there was also the point at which I was exhausted and had low stamina in every class I took for what seemed like forever (it was 2 weeks). Or when my body finally gave in and succumbed to that awful cold. Ick.
Noticing that I have aches and pains means that I have really been working my body in these astanga practices, and I realize that it is a lot more than I am used to collectively with my regular classes. It's a good thing, really, as long as I am attentive to them and support the transition that I am putting my body through. It's also an opportunity to really experience my limits, those 'edges' yoga teachers are always talking about. I can easily see the point I've been at for some time, how far I've been pushing myself, and how I tend to want to react when I reach an edge.
Yoga is about self study. Sometimes this means texts and philosophy to question and address your ideals and ethics and behavior and thoughts. Sometimes it means looking at what you eat, or your lifestyle and habits. It means facing obstacles, whether they are psychological, mental, or physical, and focusing on bringing all of those together in a cohesive, positive, compassionate and healthy self.
I won't name all my aches and pains. But I definitely have them. I'm looking forward to the other side of this phase, because once my body makes it past this threshold I will be able to really focus on progressing instead of holding back as much for physical reasons.
A lot of yoga poses are an issue of mind and body synching up. One of my favorite poses, Bakasana, is like that. Most people don't have a physical inability to achieve the pose, it is their mind that is the obstacle. This, and taking my mind to the right parts of my body to achieve a pose are what I encounter in my practice more often than actual physical obstacles.
When I first began teacher training back in the fall, I remember being informed that we would go through a lot of physical changes with all of the yoga, that there would be a point in which our bodies would break down and we would subsequently build them back up again. Still I was taken aback that things started to twinge after the first week. My shoulder. Or my elbow. Or my wrist. Or my back muscles putting me out for 4 days. A lot of things were indicative of poor alignment, and easily remedied themselves with that sort of attention. But there was also the point at which I was exhausted and had low stamina in every class I took for what seemed like forever (it was 2 weeks). Or when my body finally gave in and succumbed to that awful cold. Ick.
Noticing that I have aches and pains means that I have really been working my body in these astanga practices, and I realize that it is a lot more than I am used to collectively with my regular classes. It's a good thing, really, as long as I am attentive to them and support the transition that I am putting my body through. It's also an opportunity to really experience my limits, those 'edges' yoga teachers are always talking about. I can easily see the point I've been at for some time, how far I've been pushing myself, and how I tend to want to react when I reach an edge.
Yoga is about self study. Sometimes this means texts and philosophy to question and address your ideals and ethics and behavior and thoughts. Sometimes it means looking at what you eat, or your lifestyle and habits. It means facing obstacles, whether they are psychological, mental, or physical, and focusing on bringing all of those together in a cohesive, positive, compassionate and healthy self.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Astanga, Day 5
My practice today reminded me why this is an endeavor of Tapas.
Tapas, tapas, tapas. Distractions - the cat is getting into something, I don't really like this song that's playing, this pose feels really good, I wonder how hard it is snowing outside, I'm tired, I'm hungry, is it getting too hot in here? too cold?, what time is it?, crap what inhale am I on?
My head was swimmy after all the forward bends, but I finally started to get a little second wind during forward folds...Paschimottanasana is my friend, seriously. It's like someone plugs an IV into me and fills me with energy. Sadly it does not last long (yet).
I practiced for a full 90 minutes (with one break..stopped because I was hungry but ultimately hit the mat again!) I made it to Setu Bandhasana, but I'm not quite comfortable with the Astanga expression of that pose, and my second attempt at Chakrasana did not agree with my back - I take my back very seriously, so for me that was my body's hint that it had had enough for the day :)
Throughout the practice I kept trying to remind myself of two things: 1) that my teacher told me to be kind to myself. It's something that I know to do, but the fact that she chose that as her advice made it stick; 2) that this was only my third practice, and I will get farther and better. I'm a very patient person with everyone except myself, and my own high standards for myself often predispose me to fail at things I am actually good at. And ultimately this practice isn't about failure or success, it is about facing obstacles that stand in my way in all aspects of my life, and appreciating why they are there and the process of overcoming them.
A yoga teacher gave some somewhat off-handed advice to our teacher training group a few months ago that is very relevant to this endeavor:
"Yoga isn't about perfection, it is about the inquiry."
Tapas, tapas, tapas. Distractions - the cat is getting into something, I don't really like this song that's playing, this pose feels really good, I wonder how hard it is snowing outside, I'm tired, I'm hungry, is it getting too hot in here? too cold?, what time is it?, crap what inhale am I on?
My head was swimmy after all the forward bends, but I finally started to get a little second wind during forward folds...Paschimottanasana is my friend, seriously. It's like someone plugs an IV into me and fills me with energy. Sadly it does not last long (yet).
I practiced for a full 90 minutes (with one break..stopped because I was hungry but ultimately hit the mat again!) I made it to Setu Bandhasana, but I'm not quite comfortable with the Astanga expression of that pose, and my second attempt at Chakrasana did not agree with my back - I take my back very seriously, so for me that was my body's hint that it had had enough for the day :)
Throughout the practice I kept trying to remind myself of two things: 1) that my teacher told me to be kind to myself. It's something that I know to do, but the fact that she chose that as her advice made it stick; 2) that this was only my third practice, and I will get farther and better. I'm a very patient person with everyone except myself, and my own high standards for myself often predispose me to fail at things I am actually good at. And ultimately this practice isn't about failure or success, it is about facing obstacles that stand in my way in all aspects of my life, and appreciating why they are there and the process of overcoming them.
A yoga teacher gave some somewhat off-handed advice to our teacher training group a few months ago that is very relevant to this endeavor:
"Yoga isn't about perfection, it is about the inquiry."
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Hatha - Day 4
The upside to telling my friends and teachers that I am doing something like this month of astanga is that I find out about others who are undertaking similar challenges, and get lots of advice. The downside, if you could really call it that, is that I'm in class doing sun salutations and thinking "okay, now that my teacher knows I'm working on astanga, I hope that everytime I have funky alignment they don't think this is how I do it at home!"
ah the neurosis. There's nowhere to hide, because it will always find you if your mind is open to it. And allowing yourself insecurity leaves your mind vulnerable that way.
Steve's class was great this evening. He was subbing the rare Yoga 2, which is not a common class anyway and even less common for him to teach it. Steve is also doing Astanga stuff right now, and unsurprisingly the class really reflected that. Great for me! It was totally the perfect Astanga/Hatha hybrid class for my in-between day. I could hear others struggling though, with the pace and rhythm. It's an advantage to be in class like that and be familiar with the sequence, because you know how to breathe and can anticipate what might be happening next. Without that familiarity it is easy to get huffing and puffing. The studio was really humid also, which made for a nice astanga-y atmosphere. I felt strong the whole class, and didn't drop out during savasana either. Evening classes really are the best for me.
I also got my books today, which is great timing because it looks like we are in for a massive snowstorm and I will have plenty of exciting reading material! Not that I need to start reading other things..I am still enthusiastically plugging away at Iyengar's Light on the Yoga Sutras - different from Light on Yoga, though I have that too. His work is brilliant, and really offers a lot of clarification and helpful insight to Patanjali's work. I feel, however, like there is no end to the number of texts and writings about yoga that I want to read and learn.
ah the neurosis. There's nowhere to hide, because it will always find you if your mind is open to it. And allowing yourself insecurity leaves your mind vulnerable that way.
Steve's class was great this evening. He was subbing the rare Yoga 2, which is not a common class anyway and even less common for him to teach it. Steve is also doing Astanga stuff right now, and unsurprisingly the class really reflected that. Great for me! It was totally the perfect Astanga/Hatha hybrid class for my in-between day. I could hear others struggling though, with the pace and rhythm. It's an advantage to be in class like that and be familiar with the sequence, because you know how to breathe and can anticipate what might be happening next. Without that familiarity it is easy to get huffing and puffing. The studio was really humid also, which made for a nice astanga-y atmosphere. I felt strong the whole class, and didn't drop out during savasana either. Evening classes really are the best for me.
I also got my books today, which is great timing because it looks like we are in for a massive snowstorm and I will have plenty of exciting reading material! Not that I need to start reading other things..I am still enthusiastically plugging away at Iyengar's Light on the Yoga Sutras - different from Light on Yoga, though I have that too. His work is brilliant, and really offers a lot of clarification and helpful insight to Patanjali's work. I feel, however, like there is no end to the number of texts and writings about yoga that I want to read and learn.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Astanga, Day 3
An incredible difference.
It certainly has to do with mental state, because my class yesterday was wonderful, and I may have had some soul stirring going on as well. I came to the mat today straight from the acupuncturist (whom I adore), and earlier than usual. I think my home practice would be much better if I could just start an hour earlier every day.
My body felt good today, from the get-go. Chaturanga felt good, up-dog felt good, down dog felt good. And the more I did the other poses in the series, the better each vinyasa felt. In fact, I stopped to check the time today, after doing the series through Marichi's twists, and realized that I had gone much farther in the series in just an hour than I had on Monday. Because I had meditation group this evening, I skipped to bridge and upward-bow, and then finished for the evening. Sometimes dinner is yoga too :)
Even though the flow is a little choppy, as I am still learning the sequence, being able to perform them with the correct breathing and with some reasonable pace while my body still feels great is a really amazing process. I did find today though that I am a total space case when I am doing this practice. Especially during the beginning salutations..I get into a groove and then all of a sudden find myself in down-dog just chilling, and completely forget where I was in the sequence. Or I will think of something I need to do right about the time I come back around to a samasthiti, and nearly step off the mat to go do it! Focus. This practice will clearly also be an exercise in focus.
My David Swenson book was delivered today, so my next practice will have the benefit of some real guidance. I'm looking forward to that.
It certainly has to do with mental state, because my class yesterday was wonderful, and I may have had some soul stirring going on as well. I came to the mat today straight from the acupuncturist (whom I adore), and earlier than usual. I think my home practice would be much better if I could just start an hour earlier every day.
My body felt good today, from the get-go. Chaturanga felt good, up-dog felt good, down dog felt good. And the more I did the other poses in the series, the better each vinyasa felt. In fact, I stopped to check the time today, after doing the series through Marichi's twists, and realized that I had gone much farther in the series in just an hour than I had on Monday. Because I had meditation group this evening, I skipped to bridge and upward-bow, and then finished for the evening. Sometimes dinner is yoga too :)
Even though the flow is a little choppy, as I am still learning the sequence, being able to perform them with the correct breathing and with some reasonable pace while my body still feels great is a really amazing process. I did find today though that I am a total space case when I am doing this practice. Especially during the beginning salutations..I get into a groove and then all of a sudden find myself in down-dog just chilling, and completely forget where I was in the sequence. Or I will think of something I need to do right about the time I come back around to a samasthiti, and nearly step off the mat to go do it! Focus. This practice will clearly also be an exercise in focus.
My David Swenson book was delivered today, so my next practice will have the benefit of some real guidance. I'm looking forward to that.
Yamas
Patanjali's Yoga Sutras describe the 8-Limbed path of what we now know as Astanga Yoga -
Yama - self-restraints, controls
Niyama - observances
Asana - postures
Pranayama - regulation of breath
Pratyahara - withdrawal of the senses
Dharana - concentration
Dhyana - meditation
Samadhi - bliss (the collection, compositon of the others, superconsciousness)
The Yamas are one part of what, for many, is the greatest challenge and the largest focused of yoga beyond asana. Here in the west, we refer to these as the ethics of the philosophy.
Each of the Yamas ties in to each of the other Yamas with great complexity. I won't go into detail about that here - I think it is fairly obvious, for one thing, and it is a broad discussion best had in a group of people with many perspectives - I just want to show what Patanjali says about them, since I mentioned them twice in my last post.
In Sutra II.30, it says "ahimsa satya asteya bramacharya aparigraha yamah"
or, "non-violence, truth, abstention from stealing, continence, and absence of greed for posessions beyond one's need are the five pillars of yama."
Ahimsa is the most common an well-known Yama; some view it as the core Yama, and the central principle of yoga, and the idea is that you should not cause harm (through intention, thoughts, words, actions, or even energy) to any other being. This goes beyond just our superficial definition of 'violence'. Sure, don't squash that little spider on your floor. That's Ahimsa. But noticing you are in a bad mood, and working to alter your state so that you don't subsequently influence others negatively is also Ahimsa.
Satya is truth (or, not lying). I think this one is pretty straightforward, and the only addition is to remember the connection to Ahimsa - if telling the truth will hurt someone unnecessarily, then you should use your ability to discriminate positive from negative to decide against saying something (like walking up to a random person on the street to tell them their outfit is ugly..might be the truth, but it isn't necessary and it IS harmful)
Asteya is non-stealing, or not misappropriating. Don't take what isn't yours - this includes time, energy, physical objects, money, etc. Don't take credit from someone else's work. Don't bring someone else down because you are having a bad day.
Bramacharya is continence. Some also translate it as chastity, but this is hugely debateable. The idea is to value your energy and prana, and to respect your limited opportunity and resource as a human on the earth. Sure, you shouldn't sleep around wrecklessly, but Bramacharya is more than just talking about your sexual endeavors. It is about focusing your time and valuable energy, of all varieties, into what is most beneficial and important. Family, friends, self study, religiosity (if it suits you), and of course Yoga.
Aparigraha is not coveting, non-greed. This is probably the most important and underplayed Yama. Our society has us constantly seeking to have what others have, to be in some competition for the greatest aquisition or accomplishment or title. But each of us has our own path, and what is right and timely for one person is probably not right and timely for you. We so often think there is something missing in us be default, that we must be seeking or searching for something. So we look to what others have, what we perceive as the things that give them the happiness or satisfaction we are looking for ourselves. We become so focused on achieving something that was right for someone else that we forego our own path, getting off track from progressing in the very way that would lead us to our own satisfaction. A viscious cycle! Learning to value yourself where you are is a huge asset, and a difficult thing to accomplish. Fortunately part of the study of yoga is learning how to have an intention and be on a path, without being goal-oriented.
Yama - self-restraints, controls
Niyama - observances
Asana - postures
Pranayama - regulation of breath
Pratyahara - withdrawal of the senses
Dharana - concentration
Dhyana - meditation
Samadhi - bliss (the collection, compositon of the others, superconsciousness)
The Yamas are one part of what, for many, is the greatest challenge and the largest focused of yoga beyond asana. Here in the west, we refer to these as the ethics of the philosophy.
Each of the Yamas ties in to each of the other Yamas with great complexity. I won't go into detail about that here - I think it is fairly obvious, for one thing, and it is a broad discussion best had in a group of people with many perspectives - I just want to show what Patanjali says about them, since I mentioned them twice in my last post.
In Sutra II.30, it says "ahimsa satya asteya bramacharya aparigraha yamah"
or, "non-violence, truth, abstention from stealing, continence, and absence of greed for posessions beyond one's need are the five pillars of yama."
Ahimsa is the most common an well-known Yama; some view it as the core Yama, and the central principle of yoga, and the idea is that you should not cause harm (through intention, thoughts, words, actions, or even energy) to any other being. This goes beyond just our superficial definition of 'violence'. Sure, don't squash that little spider on your floor. That's Ahimsa. But noticing you are in a bad mood, and working to alter your state so that you don't subsequently influence others negatively is also Ahimsa.
Satya is truth (or, not lying). I think this one is pretty straightforward, and the only addition is to remember the connection to Ahimsa - if telling the truth will hurt someone unnecessarily, then you should use your ability to discriminate positive from negative to decide against saying something (like walking up to a random person on the street to tell them their outfit is ugly..might be the truth, but it isn't necessary and it IS harmful)
Asteya is non-stealing, or not misappropriating. Don't take what isn't yours - this includes time, energy, physical objects, money, etc. Don't take credit from someone else's work. Don't bring someone else down because you are having a bad day.
Bramacharya is continence. Some also translate it as chastity, but this is hugely debateable. The idea is to value your energy and prana, and to respect your limited opportunity and resource as a human on the earth. Sure, you shouldn't sleep around wrecklessly, but Bramacharya is more than just talking about your sexual endeavors. It is about focusing your time and valuable energy, of all varieties, into what is most beneficial and important. Family, friends, self study, religiosity (if it suits you), and of course Yoga.
Aparigraha is not coveting, non-greed. This is probably the most important and underplayed Yama. Our society has us constantly seeking to have what others have, to be in some competition for the greatest aquisition or accomplishment or title. But each of us has our own path, and what is right and timely for one person is probably not right and timely for you. We so often think there is something missing in us be default, that we must be seeking or searching for something. So we look to what others have, what we perceive as the things that give them the happiness or satisfaction we are looking for ourselves. We become so focused on achieving something that was right for someone else that we forego our own path, getting off track from progressing in the very way that would lead us to our own satisfaction. A viscious cycle! Learning to value yourself where you are is a huge asset, and a difficult thing to accomplish. Fortunately part of the study of yoga is learning how to have an intention and be on a path, without being goal-oriented.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Astanga, Day 1
My first day of the Primary Series wasn't brutal. But I think the fact that I let it hang over me all day long really affected my enthusiasm. As did the fact that I was exhausted when I started, nevermind when I stopped.
My shoulder was cranky and stiff today, so I alternated between knees-chest-chin and chaturanga, though as I got toward the end the chaturanga to up-dog part of each vinyasa was the moment of relief. My padottanasana variations as well as my janu sirsasanas were really great. In fact, by the time I got to all the seated poses, though exhausted, my body was lovely and supple. Hopefully on Wednesday I will have the energy to continue beyond and enjoy it.
I need to get more sleep, and I need to adjust my meal schedule to include a larger snack around 4:45. I probably could have pushed through to the end today, but I stopped because my blood sugar plummeted after Paschimottanasana, and every vinyasa was more and more shaky after that.
This endeavor is definitely a form of Tapas for me, purification through pain or discomfort. Austerity. Tapas in this case is intentional, placing yourself in front of known obstacles with the intention of running their course and overcoming the discomfort or pain they cause you so that you can rise above and move forward. The Primary Series has many qualities that stand in opposition to me, the least of which is the routine aspect. I'm all for a set sequence of poses, but I generally reserve the right to do what I want if I feel like it. And doing the same thing at the same time every day, a vigorous and intense practice, 90 minutes long, breath by breath... it's like taking down a house one nail at a time with only a hammer and your two hands. And then you get to do it again the next day, and the next day, and the next day.
It's an exercise in self-discipline, which I don't really concede to be running short on, but doing this is a way of demonstrating that I can commit, push myself, stay the course, and follow through. In the path of yoga, there are many obstacles and many distractions. Learning about your tendencies toward these early on can be a key tool when the lure becomes much greater as your practice progresses. Getting sidetracked is just another way the fluctuations of consciousness manifest themselves, and ultimately, it is all about ceasing the fluctations of the mind.
Yoga citta vrtti nirodha. (Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, 1.2)
My shoulder was cranky and stiff today, so I alternated between knees-chest-chin and chaturanga, though as I got toward the end the chaturanga to up-dog part of each vinyasa was the moment of relief. My padottanasana variations as well as my janu sirsasanas were really great. In fact, by the time I got to all the seated poses, though exhausted, my body was lovely and supple. Hopefully on Wednesday I will have the energy to continue beyond and enjoy it.
I need to get more sleep, and I need to adjust my meal schedule to include a larger snack around 4:45. I probably could have pushed through to the end today, but I stopped because my blood sugar plummeted after Paschimottanasana, and every vinyasa was more and more shaky after that.
This endeavor is definitely a form of Tapas for me, purification through pain or discomfort. Austerity. Tapas in this case is intentional, placing yourself in front of known obstacles with the intention of running their course and overcoming the discomfort or pain they cause you so that you can rise above and move forward. The Primary Series has many qualities that stand in opposition to me, the least of which is the routine aspect. I'm all for a set sequence of poses, but I generally reserve the right to do what I want if I feel like it. And doing the same thing at the same time every day, a vigorous and intense practice, 90 minutes long, breath by breath... it's like taking down a house one nail at a time with only a hammer and your two hands. And then you get to do it again the next day, and the next day, and the next day.
It's an exercise in self-discipline, which I don't really concede to be running short on, but doing this is a way of demonstrating that I can commit, push myself, stay the course, and follow through. In the path of yoga, there are many obstacles and many distractions. Learning about your tendencies toward these early on can be a key tool when the lure becomes much greater as your practice progresses. Getting sidetracked is just another way the fluctuations of consciousness manifest themselves, and ultimately, it is all about ceasing the fluctations of the mind.
Yoga citta vrtti nirodha. (Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, 1.2)
February Yoga Fun
I've decided that for the month of February, I'm going to focus my home practice on the Astanga Primary Series. The idea started out as "I'm going to do the Primary Series every day", but I quickly realized that going to 2-3 classes per week, and having one 'nothing' day each week, didn't lend itself to daily Primary. So I am going to go to my regular classes, with some additions, and do the Primary Series as my home practice on the other days of the week. I will leave Saturday as my 'nothing' day as is done in Astanga tradition.
Oh yeah, and I'm going to try and blog about it. Every day.
Two of my favorite blogs are The Reluctant Ashtangi and Yogic Muse; Kaivalya over at TRA blogs almost daily about her practice, which focuses on Ashtanga yoga, but is almost entirely technical in nature about the practice. Brooks at Yogic Muse is always sharing fantastic inquiries into the philosophy and principles of yoga, and they are incredibly insightful and thought provoking.
I'm going for a little of both. I don't see anywhere in my yoga practice where the physical asana and the theory and philosophy don't overlap. And for me, neither is adequate on its own. Asana would be monotonous and boring without the theory, and the theory would be heavy and inapplicable to my personal experience without the asana. I also happen to be in the process of this very huge and deep inquiry into yoga and is meaning for me, and a lot of other related ideas, and so my brain is going to have a lot to chew on over the next few weeks. I think this combined with the process of Primary Series will be a brilliant combination.
I'm starting out with just my pocket guide to PS, which is 7 or 8 sheets of paper with the sequences in order, noting vinyasas. Very bare bones, but it points out some modifications/advancements, and is pretty easy to follow. I've also ordered David Swenson's guide to Astanga which is much more detailed, so in a few days I will get to use that.
I haven't practiced the Primary Series in awhile (not since early December) because of sickness and business and other things. My last practice with it made it to Marichi's twists, and then I jumped to Savasana. The 90 minute practice is vigorous, and it takes a lot of discipline to make it all the way through on your own. In this way it will also be a practice in Tapas.
Eventually I'd like to make PS a morning practice, and rise with the sun to do it before I start my day. As spring comes that will be a more likely prospect, but morning yoga is a huge challenge for me because it stirs up all sorts of anger and frustration and general grouchiness! That tapas needs to be saved for another month :)
Oh yeah, and I'm going to try and blog about it. Every day.
Two of my favorite blogs are The Reluctant Ashtangi and Yogic Muse; Kaivalya over at TRA blogs almost daily about her practice, which focuses on Ashtanga yoga, but is almost entirely technical in nature about the practice. Brooks at Yogic Muse is always sharing fantastic inquiries into the philosophy and principles of yoga, and they are incredibly insightful and thought provoking.
I'm going for a little of both. I don't see anywhere in my yoga practice where the physical asana and the theory and philosophy don't overlap. And for me, neither is adequate on its own. Asana would be monotonous and boring without the theory, and the theory would be heavy and inapplicable to my personal experience without the asana. I also happen to be in the process of this very huge and deep inquiry into yoga and is meaning for me, and a lot of other related ideas, and so my brain is going to have a lot to chew on over the next few weeks. I think this combined with the process of Primary Series will be a brilliant combination.
I'm starting out with just my pocket guide to PS, which is 7 or 8 sheets of paper with the sequences in order, noting vinyasas. Very bare bones, but it points out some modifications/advancements, and is pretty easy to follow. I've also ordered David Swenson's guide to Astanga which is much more detailed, so in a few days I will get to use that.
I haven't practiced the Primary Series in awhile (not since early December) because of sickness and business and other things. My last practice with it made it to Marichi's twists, and then I jumped to Savasana. The 90 minute practice is vigorous, and it takes a lot of discipline to make it all the way through on your own. In this way it will also be a practice in Tapas.
Eventually I'd like to make PS a morning practice, and rise with the sun to do it before I start my day. As spring comes that will be a more likely prospect, but morning yoga is a huge challenge for me because it stirs up all sorts of anger and frustration and general grouchiness! That tapas needs to be saved for another month :)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Freeze this Weekend
This has been (so far) the ideal weekend, if there is such a thing.
Yesterday, I spent ALL day with my teacher training classmates at our last session. We took our exam, then did our teaching portions. Besides the nerves that come with examinations, there were more laughs and smiles than any other session. It was amazing to see how we are all really blooming into fabulous teachers, with our own styles. We finished the day off in my (our) teacher's living room eating lots of food we all brought and talking and asking questions. Bittersweet, for sure, but I have a feeling that our group will remain pretty close.
Today, I had some awesome pancakes (recipe found here) with sliced almonds and fried bananas and maple syrup. Then I went to check out an apartment, and now I'm letting Amos Lee serenade me on itunes, and I'm eating leftover baked ziti from last night. It is rainy, and cool but not cold. Perfect for reflecting, and reveling.
2010 is going to be a really amazing and unique year. I knew that as soon as the calendar changed and I felt the energy of that crazy blue moon. But even my horoscopes say so. Apparently there will only be about 3 years this amazing in my entire lifetime. Even the most hectic days so far somehow feel smooth underneath, more stable on the foundation, and that background feeling of dread hasn't been there. Maybe it's the yoga, maybe it's me, and maybe it's the stars. I don't know. But I like it.
Amos tells me Sometimes we forget who we got, Who they are. Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love, Than black and white.
He's right.
Yesterday, I spent ALL day with my teacher training classmates at our last session. We took our exam, then did our teaching portions. Besides the nerves that come with examinations, there were more laughs and smiles than any other session. It was amazing to see how we are all really blooming into fabulous teachers, with our own styles. We finished the day off in my (our) teacher's living room eating lots of food we all brought and talking and asking questions. Bittersweet, for sure, but I have a feeling that our group will remain pretty close.
Today, I had some awesome pancakes (recipe found here) with sliced almonds and fried bananas and maple syrup. Then I went to check out an apartment, and now I'm letting Amos Lee serenade me on itunes, and I'm eating leftover baked ziti from last night. It is rainy, and cool but not cold. Perfect for reflecting, and reveling.
2010 is going to be a really amazing and unique year. I knew that as soon as the calendar changed and I felt the energy of that crazy blue moon. But even my horoscopes say so. Apparently there will only be about 3 years this amazing in my entire lifetime. Even the most hectic days so far somehow feel smooth underneath, more stable on the foundation, and that background feeling of dread hasn't been there. Maybe it's the yoga, maybe it's me, and maybe it's the stars. I don't know. But I like it.
Amos tells me Sometimes we forget who we got, Who they are. Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love, Than black and white.
He's right.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Cold follow up
The asanas went well, though I could and would never claim them as a cure. Just a nice push in the right direction. I was able to do a full studio class on wednesday with few problems (just that pesky tickle in my throat indicating a coughing storm as soon as we moved into savasana...that's what breath work is for though).
My amazing acupunturist took care of me today though, and did some cupping so now I look like I went through an alien abduction with giant spots up and down my back :) Felt weird, but good, and now my body is definitely working really hard to expel all the crap.
Psyching up for James Brown this weekend.
I've been dealing with this crap since December 21st. I'm ready to be finished now, please.
My amazing acupunturist took care of me today though, and did some cupping so now I look like I went through an alien abduction with giant spots up and down my back :) Felt weird, but good, and now my body is definitely working really hard to expel all the crap.
Psyching up for James Brown this weekend.
I've been dealing with this crap since December 21st. I'm ready to be finished now, please.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Light on my cold
We all know that B.K.S. Iyengar's Light on Yoga is considered the 'bible' of the yoga world.
I have tremendous respect for Iyengar and his book, though I can't say it's generally first in my choice of resources for yoga literature.
That said, I do own a copy of Light on Yoga, and I have recently also been the unenthusiastic recipient of a seasonal cold. [TMI Warning] Seriously, I'm going on 15 days. I spent the first 10 days in stage one - you know, the part where you feel like you are getting a cold, so you physically feel bad, your nose and sinuses and head burn and ache, blah blah blah. I still have some light sinus drainage happening but no nasal congestion (go neti pot!) and I have a reasonably productive cough happening. My chest doesn't hurt, nor my head. So I have reason to believe I am on the mend.
So today, I wanted to pick back up on my asana practice but I was a little concerned about which poses to do. Enter Light on Yoga. In the Appendix of this book, Iyengar provides a guide to yoga asana relative to common physical conditions. Often times if you are not in good health, it is recommended that you not do asana practice. This is obviously also relative to the specific ailment you are experiencing. Anywho, I decided to try the prescribed asanas for Cold according to Iyengar. They are:
Sirsasana (and cycle); Sarvangasana (and cycle); Uttanasana; Paschimottanasana; Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana; Yoganidrasana; Ujjayi Pranayama with inhalation retention.
*because I also have minor congestion in my chest I also added Nadi Shodana, which is recommended for bronchitis.
I performed all these asanas, though my kurmasanas were poor because i'm just not proficient in them. I also finished with a restorative supta baddha konasana because it just feels so good.
We will see tomorrow if the prescribed asanas, along with the other therapeutic measures (specific diet, lots of warm teas and extra rest) help my recovery!
Iyengar lists 2 requisites to the Practice of Asana, the first of which states
"Without firm foundations a house cannot stand. Without the practice of the principles of yama and niyama, which lay down firm foundations for building character, there cannot be an integrated personality. Practice of asanas without the backing of yama and niyama is mere acrobatics."
It hasn't been easy deciding to refrain from asana practice while I've been sick. My body loves asana, and asks for it when I'm not doing it. But it is important for me to discriminate between what I want to do intellectually and what is good for me, and in the case of an illness like a cold yoga asanas can sometimes do more harm than good. Not practicing asana does not mean not practicing yoga - yoga is greater than just postures, though postures are a core element - and as Iyengar states, integrating the ethical and philosophical principles of yoga is key to the 'union' that is yoga. It is an equally great undertaking to make every aspect of day to day life your yoga, beyond just yoga asanas.
I have tremendous respect for Iyengar and his book, though I can't say it's generally first in my choice of resources for yoga literature.
That said, I do own a copy of Light on Yoga, and I have recently also been the unenthusiastic recipient of a seasonal cold. [TMI Warning] Seriously, I'm going on 15 days. I spent the first 10 days in stage one - you know, the part where you feel like you are getting a cold, so you physically feel bad, your nose and sinuses and head burn and ache, blah blah blah. I still have some light sinus drainage happening but no nasal congestion (go neti pot!) and I have a reasonably productive cough happening. My chest doesn't hurt, nor my head. So I have reason to believe I am on the mend.
So today, I wanted to pick back up on my asana practice but I was a little concerned about which poses to do. Enter Light on Yoga. In the Appendix of this book, Iyengar provides a guide to yoga asana relative to common physical conditions. Often times if you are not in good health, it is recommended that you not do asana practice. This is obviously also relative to the specific ailment you are experiencing. Anywho, I decided to try the prescribed asanas for Cold according to Iyengar. They are:
Sirsasana (and cycle); Sarvangasana (and cycle); Uttanasana; Paschimottanasana; Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana; Yoganidrasana; Ujjayi Pranayama with inhalation retention.
*because I also have minor congestion in my chest I also added Nadi Shodana, which is recommended for bronchitis.
I performed all these asanas, though my kurmasanas were poor because i'm just not proficient in them. I also finished with a restorative supta baddha konasana because it just feels so good.
We will see tomorrow if the prescribed asanas, along with the other therapeutic measures (specific diet, lots of warm teas and extra rest) help my recovery!
Iyengar lists 2 requisites to the Practice of Asana, the first of which states
"Without firm foundations a house cannot stand. Without the practice of the principles of yama and niyama, which lay down firm foundations for building character, there cannot be an integrated personality. Practice of asanas without the backing of yama and niyama is mere acrobatics."
It hasn't been easy deciding to refrain from asana practice while I've been sick. My body loves asana, and asks for it when I'm not doing it. But it is important for me to discriminate between what I want to do intellectually and what is good for me, and in the case of an illness like a cold yoga asanas can sometimes do more harm than good. Not practicing asana does not mean not practicing yoga - yoga is greater than just postures, though postures are a core element - and as Iyengar states, integrating the ethical and philosophical principles of yoga is key to the 'union' that is yoga. It is an equally great undertaking to make every aspect of day to day life your yoga, beyond just yoga asanas.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
When the Seasons Change Again, I Will Too
So it has been awhile since I wrote a post here. That's mostly because I've been incredibly busy, though it is hard to articulate the things I've been busy with. Mostly, autumn just always brings me a feeling of being very impermanent, very temporary - kind of like the idea of a hummingbird, moving so fast and yet in moving that fast they are so still; and they never seem to lite, though they actually do when they are out of view - and I've had plenty going on.
Primarily, I've started my 200H Yoga Teacher Training. It was an internal debate for me to decide whether or not it is the right time for me to do the RYT-200 training. However, after 2 weeks of it I definitely see that my concern about being too naive in my exposure to the philosophy and concepts of yoga was very unfounded. In fact, so far I haven't encountered much in that respect that is completely novel. There are obviously many ideas and esoteric concepts that I don't have an in-depth knowledge of (actually, I wouldn't claim to have an in-depth knowledge of ANY of them) but I have encountered them, seen them, read about them and heard about them before. It is amazing how we allow our minds to deceive us under the guise of protecting our sensitive selves from harm. Deep down I've known what my real conflict was in debating about the program: getting up in front of people to present or teach or speak.
We did our first 'round-robin' teaching today. Each person in our TT group takes a turn teaching the rest of us the sequence we are studying. I went first. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. And imperfect was okay. The best part is that it didn't feel foreign. I was nervous, but not very, and once I got started I had so many ideas and so many things I wanted to say that I actually got excited about it. I always feel like I've learned so much just from being a student of yoga, but I get frustrated that I can't articulate what I feel I've learned. We had a long lunch break and I took a walk and reflected about the morning's teaching, and it was refreshing to just feel proud and good with myself, and not feel critical or sick about little mistakes. I was impressed with all the things I even thought of wanting to say, nevermind that I didn't have a long enough time to get to them all, or forgot some.
Many years ago, I was a very bold and outspoken person. I would give a piece of my green but determined feminist mind to anyone who would give me an inch. I was the lead in my high school's play. I was in speech and debate, and I never cared what anyone thought about what I had to say. Eventually, several traumatic events compounded with escalating peer abuse and bullying took its toll, and I withdrew. Throughout college I identified myself as someone who had tons to say, but was too shy to say it - socially anxious, withdrawn, and lacking in some assumed normal people-skills. I felt clueless and nervous in social groups, had few friends, and it seemed that everyone around me was cold and critical. It was only fairly recently that I realized I was never truly that person. There isn't actually anything wrong with me or my social skills. And the brave and passionate person who enjoyed sharing and teaching and giving still exists, she was just pushed down deep because I let other people convince me that she was inappropriate.
It's amazing the power that other people can affect. In this world we all frequently wield that power with very little regard for the others who are bearing its weight. In recognizing that these traits I thought were lost (or in some cases, I forgot I ever had in the first place) were still there waiting to be utilized, I also came to feel great compassion towards myself as a person. In Buddhism, there is an idea that in order to feel compassion for others, unconditionally, you must first feel compassion for yourself. What is there in others that is not also in you? When you are completely appreciative of yourself, for good and bad, you place greater value on both what you bring into your body and mind and soul, and also what you put out.
Teaching is in my blood. My mom is a teacher, as are many of my relatives. Both my parents love teaching and guiding others. My life has been filled with stories about members of my family giving to others, my grandparents working themselves to the bone to ensure that my parents had a chance to succeed, and their children helping people in need as a part of their regular routines. I'm also fortunate to have friends who are some of the best examples of human beings anyone could ask for. We all experience the things we do for a reason - everything we go through is a building block in who we are and who we are constantly becoming. I'm bringing back the brave girl. She's been growing up and learning and becoming ever more compassionate and appreciative of others' experiences. I've found something I'm passionate about, and it would be a disservice for me to sit back and choose to be passive when I have so much to give.
I think I passed a threshold today. I CAN do this, and I want to do this. And I love it.
That's amazing.
Keep an eye out for more about teacher training. It's a lot of work, but it is already worth it.
Primarily, I've started my 200H Yoga Teacher Training. It was an internal debate for me to decide whether or not it is the right time for me to do the RYT-200 training. However, after 2 weeks of it I definitely see that my concern about being too naive in my exposure to the philosophy and concepts of yoga was very unfounded. In fact, so far I haven't encountered much in that respect that is completely novel. There are obviously many ideas and esoteric concepts that I don't have an in-depth knowledge of (actually, I wouldn't claim to have an in-depth knowledge of ANY of them) but I have encountered them, seen them, read about them and heard about them before. It is amazing how we allow our minds to deceive us under the guise of protecting our sensitive selves from harm. Deep down I've known what my real conflict was in debating about the program: getting up in front of people to present or teach or speak.
We did our first 'round-robin' teaching today. Each person in our TT group takes a turn teaching the rest of us the sequence we are studying. I went first. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. And imperfect was okay. The best part is that it didn't feel foreign. I was nervous, but not very, and once I got started I had so many ideas and so many things I wanted to say that I actually got excited about it. I always feel like I've learned so much just from being a student of yoga, but I get frustrated that I can't articulate what I feel I've learned. We had a long lunch break and I took a walk and reflected about the morning's teaching, and it was refreshing to just feel proud and good with myself, and not feel critical or sick about little mistakes. I was impressed with all the things I even thought of wanting to say, nevermind that I didn't have a long enough time to get to them all, or forgot some.
Many years ago, I was a very bold and outspoken person. I would give a piece of my green but determined feminist mind to anyone who would give me an inch. I was the lead in my high school's play. I was in speech and debate, and I never cared what anyone thought about what I had to say. Eventually, several traumatic events compounded with escalating peer abuse and bullying took its toll, and I withdrew. Throughout college I identified myself as someone who had tons to say, but was too shy to say it - socially anxious, withdrawn, and lacking in some assumed normal people-skills. I felt clueless and nervous in social groups, had few friends, and it seemed that everyone around me was cold and critical. It was only fairly recently that I realized I was never truly that person. There isn't actually anything wrong with me or my social skills. And the brave and passionate person who enjoyed sharing and teaching and giving still exists, she was just pushed down deep because I let other people convince me that she was inappropriate.
It's amazing the power that other people can affect. In this world we all frequently wield that power with very little regard for the others who are bearing its weight. In recognizing that these traits I thought were lost (or in some cases, I forgot I ever had in the first place) were still there waiting to be utilized, I also came to feel great compassion towards myself as a person. In Buddhism, there is an idea that in order to feel compassion for others, unconditionally, you must first feel compassion for yourself. What is there in others that is not also in you? When you are completely appreciative of yourself, for good and bad, you place greater value on both what you bring into your body and mind and soul, and also what you put out.
Teaching is in my blood. My mom is a teacher, as are many of my relatives. Both my parents love teaching and guiding others. My life has been filled with stories about members of my family giving to others, my grandparents working themselves to the bone to ensure that my parents had a chance to succeed, and their children helping people in need as a part of their regular routines. I'm also fortunate to have friends who are some of the best examples of human beings anyone could ask for. We all experience the things we do for a reason - everything we go through is a building block in who we are and who we are constantly becoming. I'm bringing back the brave girl. She's been growing up and learning and becoming ever more compassionate and appreciative of others' experiences. I've found something I'm passionate about, and it would be a disservice for me to sit back and choose to be passive when I have so much to give.
I think I passed a threshold today. I CAN do this, and I want to do this. And I love it.
That's amazing.
Keep an eye out for more about teacher training. It's a lot of work, but it is already worth it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Yoga for Everyone
For all of you in DC and surrounding areas -
YogaActivist.org is holding a fundraiser in the Red Room at The Black Cat on September 11th, and my infamously awesome yoga instructor will be the DJ. Donation of $8 (it's a fundraiser, it doesn't work if you get in for free you know).
YogaActivist.org is an up and coming collaborative that aims to bring yoga and yoga programs to diverse communities that don't usually have access to it. The belief is that yoga is for everyone, and that the skills people learn and use in yoga can benefit them in all aspects of their lives.
Besides, you know you wanna check out Michelle's mad skills. See you there!
YogaActivist.org is holding a fundraiser in the Red Room at The Black Cat on September 11th, and my infamously awesome yoga instructor will be the DJ. Donation of $8 (it's a fundraiser, it doesn't work if you get in for free you know).
YogaActivist.org is an up and coming collaborative that aims to bring yoga and yoga programs to diverse communities that don't usually have access to it. The belief is that yoga is for everyone, and that the skills people learn and use in yoga can benefit them in all aspects of their lives.
Besides, you know you wanna check out Michelle's mad skills. See you there!
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