Astanga, Day 12

So this city has been 'snowed in' for nearly a week, and in that week most of us have been 'working from home' because offices were 'closed'. When you are out of your routine, especially when that is more or less out of your control, you tend to let things go. Sleeping in, eating whatever you have (because it isn't exactly easy to get to the store! and if you do, what's left to buy?), and generally not doing much.

Then you have that moment. After the event, after you've begun to feel the effects of the inconsistency. Agitation that is unexplainable. Try cleaning out the apartment. Calming music. Making art. Sleeping. None of it works. Then the light bulb comes on, and you're back in the game.

My shoulder felt stiff today, and the first few down dogs were less that comfortable. But the surprises were in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana where I was able to extend my leg out on both sides, and most of my jumpbacks to chaturanga were nice and controlled.

I finished the set of Janu folds and then hit savasana. Not going to push it, though I had energy to spare, which was a nice change. I trucked through the earlier parts of the series, which is a good sign that my breathing is more consistent and my pace is also better.

I meditated earlier today, for probably 30 minutes. I think that helped some, but I was quite wound up and when I finally stepped on the mat it just felt amazing. I'm planning some serious TLC on my shoulder in prep for tomorrow. It's finally Friday, for real.

Astanga, Day 10 & 11

This should really be titled 'non-astanga, day 10' because I did not do Astanga today.
Having taken the same spill *twice* down the stairs at the yoga studio in the last week, my knees are complaining and I have a finicky deep muscle strain in my back and shoulder. I originally upset my shoulder on Sunday on the first fall, and had nearly resolved it when I took the same spill again on Tuesday night. Now, nothing is helping except non-use. Being a very sinewy and freaky-skinny person by nature, even brushing my back against anything more solid than a pillow is painful. Nothing is broken for sure, but those muscles and soft cartilage between each rib are really unhappy right now.

It's all the more important that I rest up and get things back in order because I'm not interested in missing James Brown's class on Saturday. It will count toward my final required class in my Teacher Training, and the last time I took a class with him it was amazing.

I spent most of the evening yesterday planning for the class I subbed today - my first 'real' class ever as a teacher. I thought since it was the day after a blizzard and a lunchtime class I could probably expect 2 or 3 folks to show up. But holy mackerel, there were 17! Several beginners and new-to-the-studio students. The studio was freezing, but other than that it went well. I was so amazed by the wonderful dedicated (snow)gis who came to class. It was such a privilege to teach them today.

Astanga, Day 8

I practiced for 90 minutes tonight, though I only got to Marichyasana B (which I didn't do because I hate those half lotus poses). I added Bridge and Upward Bow, then hit Savasana.

I started out with a huge knot that I have had in my shoulder for a couple of days. I've tried to work it out, but it is very deep, and I wasn't sure how the yoga would affect it. My sun salutes were great, if slightly sloppy at the end of the B set because I was getting tired. Very smooth, very strong, and for the most part very accurate. I even found myself closing my eyes at different points thanks to doing that every week in Sivananda. My jump backs were great and solid, and my body warmed up very quickly. I did find myself getting a little anxious as I got heated up; I don't usually like getting really hot and sweating a lot since for me it is usually a sign that I am either sick or dehydrated. I think it will just take me awhile to get used to making that happen deliberately, because it is really quite important to keeping the body safe during the practice.

My shoulder was fine. Better even, as I got really warm. I bound almost everything (except those stinking half-lotuses), and my standing poses were brilliant. I did get a case of the dizzies after my wide-leg forward folds. I haven't figured out what causes that.

I did, for the first time today, appreciate already having my practice set out. I didn't have to sit down before had, or in the middle of a practice I had already begun, and figure out what all I wanted to do and in what order. It was already there - all I had to do was walk onto my mat and get started. I'm starting to enjoy the quiet time. And as I get the sequencing down, I am able to focus more on alignment or fine tuning my poses, and I get better at keeping present and counting my breath. The Sun Salutations and Standing Poses (except the wide leg forward bends) are enjoyable. Very cool since this is only the start of week 2.

No-yoga day, Day 6

Today was my day of rest. Conveniently it seems, since there is about 2 feet of snow outside!
I won't name all my aches and pains. But I definitely have them. I'm looking forward to the other side of this phase, because once my body makes it past this threshold I will be able to really focus on progressing instead of holding back as much for physical reasons.

A lot of yoga poses are an issue of mind and body synching up. One of my favorite poses, Bakasana, is like that. Most people don't have a physical inability to achieve the pose, it is their mind that is the obstacle. This, and taking my mind to the right parts of my body to achieve a pose are what I encounter in my practice more often than actual physical obstacles.

When I first began teacher training back in the fall, I remember being informed that we would go through a lot of physical changes with all of the yoga, that there would be a point in which our bodies would break down and we would subsequently build them back up again. Still I was taken aback that things started to twinge after the first week. My shoulder. Or my elbow. Or my wrist. Or my back muscles putting me out for 4 days. A lot of things were indicative of poor alignment, and easily remedied themselves with that sort of attention. But there was also the point at which I was exhausted and had low stamina in every class I took for what seemed like forever (it was 2 weeks). Or when my body finally gave in and succumbed to that awful cold. Ick.

Noticing that I have aches and pains means that I have really been working my body in these astanga practices, and I realize that it is a lot more than I am used to collectively with my regular classes. It's a good thing, really, as long as I am attentive to them and support the transition that I am putting my body through. It's also an opportunity to really experience my limits, those 'edges' yoga teachers are always talking about. I can easily see the point I've been at for some time, how far I've been pushing myself, and how I tend to want to react when I reach an edge.

Yoga is about self study. Sometimes this means texts and philosophy to question and address your ideals and ethics and behavior and thoughts. Sometimes it means looking at what you eat, or your lifestyle and habits. It means facing obstacles, whether they are psychological, mental, or physical, and focusing on bringing all of those together in a cohesive, positive, compassionate and healthy self.

Astanga, Day 5

My practice today reminded me why this is an endeavor of Tapas.
Tapas, tapas, tapas. Distractions - the cat is getting into something, I don't really like this song that's playing, this pose feels really good, I wonder how hard it is snowing outside, I'm tired, I'm hungry, is it getting too hot in here? too cold?, what time is it?, crap what inhale am I on?

My head was swimmy after all the forward bends, but I finally started to get a little second wind during forward folds...Paschimottanasana is my friend, seriously. It's like someone plugs an IV into me and fills me with energy. Sadly it does not last long (yet).

I practiced for a full 90 minutes (with one break..stopped because I was hungry but ultimately hit the mat again!) I made it to Setu Bandhasana, but I'm not quite comfortable with the Astanga expression of that pose, and my second attempt at Chakrasana did not agree with my back - I take my back very seriously, so for me that was my body's hint that it had had enough for the day :)

Throughout the practice I kept trying to remind myself of two things: 1) that my teacher told me to be kind to myself. It's something that I know to do, but the fact that she chose that as her advice made it stick; 2) that this was only my third practice, and I will get farther and better. I'm a very patient person with everyone except myself, and my own high standards for myself often predispose me to fail at things I am actually good at. And ultimately this practice isn't about failure or success, it is about facing obstacles that stand in my way in all aspects of my life, and appreciating why they are there and the process of overcoming them.

A yoga teacher gave some somewhat off-handed advice to our teacher training group a few months ago that is very relevant to this endeavor:
"Yoga isn't about perfection, it is about the inquiry."

Hatha - Day 4

The upside to telling my friends and teachers that I am doing something like this month of astanga is that I find out about others who are undertaking similar challenges, and get lots of advice. The downside, if you could really call it that, is that I'm in class doing sun salutations and thinking "okay, now that my teacher knows I'm working on astanga, I hope that everytime I have funky alignment they don't think this is how I do it at home!"

ah the neurosis. There's nowhere to hide, because it will always find you if your mind is open to it. And allowing yourself insecurity leaves your mind vulnerable that way.

Steve's class was great this evening. He was subbing the rare Yoga 2, which is not a common class anyway and even less common for him to teach it. Steve is also doing Astanga stuff right now, and unsurprisingly the class really reflected that. Great for me! It was totally the perfect Astanga/Hatha hybrid class for my in-between day. I could hear others struggling though, with the pace and rhythm. It's an advantage to be in class like that and be familiar with the sequence, because you know how to breathe and can anticipate what might be happening next. Without that familiarity it is easy to get huffing and puffing. The studio was really humid also, which made for a nice astanga-y atmosphere. I felt strong the whole class, and didn't drop out during savasana either. Evening classes really are the best for me.

I also got my books today, which is great timing because it looks like we are in for a massive snowstorm and I will have plenty of exciting reading material! Not that I need to start reading other things..I am still enthusiastically plugging away at Iyengar's Light on the Yoga Sutras - different from Light on Yoga, though I have that too. His work is brilliant, and really offers a lot of clarification and helpful insight to Patanjali's work. I feel, however, like there is no end to the number of texts and writings about yoga that I want to read and learn.

Astanga, Day 3

An incredible difference.
It certainly has to do with mental state, because my class yesterday was wonderful, and I may have had some soul stirring going on as well. I came to the mat today straight from the acupuncturist (whom I adore), and earlier than usual. I think my home practice would be much better if I could just start an hour earlier every day.

My body felt good today, from the get-go. Chaturanga felt good, up-dog felt good, down dog felt good. And the more I did the other poses in the series, the better each vinyasa felt. In fact, I stopped to check the time today, after doing the series through Marichi's twists, and realized that I had gone much farther in the series in just an hour than I had on Monday. Because I had meditation group this evening, I skipped to bridge and upward-bow, and then finished for the evening. Sometimes dinner is yoga too :)

Even though the flow is a little choppy, as I am still learning the sequence, being able to perform them with the correct breathing and with some reasonable pace while my body still feels great is a really amazing process. I did find today though that I am a total space case when I am doing this practice. Especially during the beginning salutations..I get into a groove and then all of a sudden find myself in down-dog just chilling, and completely forget where I was in the sequence. Or I will think of something I need to do right about the time I come back around to a samasthiti, and nearly step off the mat to go do it! Focus. This practice will clearly also be an exercise in focus.

My David Swenson book was delivered today, so my next practice will have the benefit of some real guidance. I'm looking forward to that.

Yamas

Patanjali's Yoga Sutras describe the 8-Limbed path of what we now know as Astanga Yoga -
Yama - self-restraints, controls
Niyama - observances
Asana - postures
Pranayama - regulation of breath
Pratyahara - withdrawal of the senses
Dharana - concentration
Dhyana - meditation
Samadhi - bliss (the collection, compositon of the others, superconsciousness)

The Yamas are one part of what, for many, is the greatest challenge and the largest focused of yoga beyond asana. Here in the west, we refer to these as the ethics of the philosophy.

Each of the Yamas ties in to each of the other Yamas with great complexity. I won't go into detail about that here - I think it is fairly obvious, for one thing, and it is a broad discussion best had in a group of people with many perspectives - I just want to show what Patanjali says about them, since I mentioned them twice in my last post.

In Sutra II.30, it says "ahimsa satya asteya bramacharya aparigraha yamah"
or, "non-violence, truth, abstention from stealing, continence, and absence of greed for posessions beyond one's need are the five pillars of yama."

Ahimsa is the most common an well-known Yama; some view it as the core Yama, and the central principle of yoga, and the idea is that you should not cause harm (through intention, thoughts, words, actions, or even energy) to any other being. This goes beyond just our superficial definition of 'violence'. Sure, don't squash that little spider on your floor. That's Ahimsa. But noticing you are in a bad mood, and working to alter your state so that you don't subsequently influence others negatively is also Ahimsa.

Satya is truth (or, not lying). I think this one is pretty straightforward, and the only addition is to remember the connection to Ahimsa - if telling the truth will hurt someone unnecessarily, then you should use your ability to discriminate positive from negative to decide against saying something (like walking up to a random person on the street to tell them their outfit is ugly..might be the truth, but it isn't necessary and it IS harmful)

Asteya is non-stealing, or not misappropriating. Don't take what isn't yours - this includes time, energy, physical objects, money, etc. Don't take credit from someone else's work. Don't bring someone else down because you are having a bad day.

Bramacharya is continence. Some also translate it as chastity, but this is hugely debateable. The idea is to value your energy and prana, and to respect your limited opportunity and resource as a human on the earth. Sure, you shouldn't sleep around wrecklessly, but Bramacharya is more than just talking about your sexual endeavors. It is about focusing your time and valuable energy, of all varieties, into what is most beneficial and important. Family, friends, self study, religiosity (if it suits you), and of course Yoga.

Aparigraha is not coveting, non-greed. This is probably the most important and underplayed Yama. Our society has us constantly seeking to have what others have, to be in some competition for the greatest aquisition or accomplishment or title. But each of us has our own path, and what is right and timely for one person is probably not right and timely for you. We so often think there is something missing in us be default, that we must be seeking or searching for something. So we look to what others have, what we perceive as the things that give them the happiness or satisfaction we are looking for ourselves. We become so focused on achieving something that was right for someone else that we forego our own path, getting off track from progressing in the very way that would lead us to our own satisfaction. A viscious cycle! Learning to value yourself where you are is a huge asset, and a difficult thing to accomplish. Fortunately part of the study of yoga is learning how to have an intention and be on a path, without being goal-oriented.

Astanga, Day 1

My first day of the Primary Series wasn't brutal. But I think the fact that I let it hang over me all day long really affected my enthusiasm. As did the fact that I was exhausted when I started, nevermind when I stopped.

My shoulder was cranky and stiff today, so I alternated between knees-chest-chin and chaturanga, though as I got toward the end the chaturanga to up-dog part of each vinyasa was the moment of relief. My padottanasana variations as well as my janu sirsasanas were really great. In fact, by the time I got to all the seated poses, though exhausted, my body was lovely and supple. Hopefully on Wednesday I will have the energy to continue beyond and enjoy it.

I need to get more sleep, and I need to adjust my meal schedule to include a larger snack around 4:45. I probably could have pushed through to the end today, but I stopped because my blood sugar plummeted after Paschimottanasana, and every vinyasa was more and more shaky after that.

This endeavor is definitely a form of Tapas for me, purification through pain or discomfort. Austerity. Tapas in this case is intentional, placing yourself in front of known obstacles with the intention of running their course and overcoming the discomfort or pain they cause you so that you can rise above and move forward. The Primary Series has many qualities that stand in opposition to me, the least of which is the routine aspect. I'm all for a set sequence of poses, but I generally reserve the right to do what I want if I feel like it. And doing the same thing at the same time every day, a vigorous and intense practice, 90 minutes long, breath by breath... it's like taking down a house one nail at a time with only a hammer and your two hands. And then you get to do it again the next day, and the next day, and the next day.

It's an exercise in self-discipline, which I don't really concede to be running short on, but doing this is a way of demonstrating that I can commit, push myself, stay the course, and follow through. In the path of yoga, there are many obstacles and many distractions. Learning about your tendencies toward these early on can be a key tool when the lure becomes much greater as your practice progresses. Getting sidetracked is just another way the fluctuations of consciousness manifest themselves, and ultimately, it is all about ceasing the fluctations of the mind.

Yoga citta vrtti nirodha. (Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, 1.2)

February Yoga Fun

I've decided that for the month of February, I'm going to focus my home practice on the Astanga Primary Series. The idea started out as "I'm going to do the Primary Series every day", but I quickly realized that going to 2-3 classes per week, and having one 'nothing' day each week, didn't lend itself to daily Primary. So I am going to go to my regular classes, with some additions, and do the Primary Series as my home practice on the other days of the week. I will leave Saturday as my 'nothing' day as is done in Astanga tradition.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to try and blog about it. Every day.

Two of my favorite blogs are The Reluctant Ashtangi and Yogic Muse; Kaivalya over at TRA blogs almost daily about her practice, which focuses on Ashtanga yoga, but is almost entirely technical in nature about the practice. Brooks at Yogic Muse is always sharing fantastic inquiries into the philosophy and principles of yoga, and they are incredibly insightful and thought provoking.

I'm going for a little of both. I don't see anywhere in my yoga practice where the physical asana and the theory and philosophy don't overlap. And for me, neither is adequate on its own. Asana would be monotonous and boring without the theory, and the theory would be heavy and inapplicable to my personal experience without the asana. I also happen to be in the process of this very huge and deep inquiry into yoga and is meaning for me, and a lot of other related ideas, and so my brain is going to have a lot to chew on over the next few weeks. I think this combined with the process of Primary Series will be a brilliant combination.

I'm starting out with just my pocket guide to PS, which is 7 or 8 sheets of paper with the sequences in order, noting vinyasas. Very bare bones, but it points out some modifications/advancements, and is pretty easy to follow. I've also ordered David Swenson's guide to Astanga which is much more detailed, so in a few days I will get to use that.

I haven't practiced the Primary Series in awhile (not since early December) because of sickness and business and other things. My last practice with it made it to Marichi's twists, and then I jumped to Savasana. The 90 minute practice is vigorous, and it takes a lot of discipline to make it all the way through on your own. In this way it will also be a practice in Tapas.

Eventually I'd like to make PS a morning practice, and rise with the sun to do it before I start my day. As spring comes that will be a more likely prospect, but morning yoga is a huge challenge for me because it stirs up all sorts of anger and frustration and general grouchiness! That tapas needs to be saved for another month :)