Ahimsa, Day 15

The yamas and the niyamas get a lot of overplay in the western world of yoga. They are very important, but as two of the eight limbs, all are equally important at their given moments of manifestation. But this is important.

I've been talking about this for two days now. About dealing with chronic illness, and maintaining a practice while trying to cultivate and appreciate a physical body that I am so often incredibly detached from, and yet inevitably tethered to.

Today my teacher's words echoed in my head as my mind mind fought to practice hard, and my body folded beneath me - "be kind to yourself."

And I read some this morning in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. I don't read as often from this book, or at least nothing that I cite actively here on this blog, but it is one of the most valuable texts I have.
1.10 "For those continually tempered by the heat of tapa (the three types of pain - spiritual, environmental and physical) hatha is like the hermitage giving protection from the heat. For those always united in yoga, hatha is the basis acting like a tortoise."

I found today that my yoga was both the tortoise and the hermitage. I found a foundation of strength mentally, in my knowledge of yoga and the peace of meditation, as well as the wisdom of reflection and not attaching to the situation. I also found the hermitage in yoga asanas that did offer some relief, and in knowing that asana practice (although a big part of my life right now) is not all that yoga is. In fact asana alone is only a smart part of the path of yoga, and seeing physical obstacles to practicing asana must be turned into an opportunity to focus on other facets of the prism that is yoga.

I do not know why I have this health problem. I have not navigated the web of my karma to understand where it comes from, or where it will take me. I only know that today my body is not in condition to do asana. Somedays my mind is not in condition to do meditation - I don't get frustrated or disappointed then. Why should my physical condition be different? This itself is a form of tapas - seeing the obstacles in front of you and choosing to face them. My tapas today wasn't my physical illness, it was my mental state.

I only did a few asanas today. I only did what felt good. My mind didn't like it, nor my ego. But how can I cultivate a heart of compassion toward other human beings if I cannot grant compassion to myself?