Hatha - Day 2

Sometimes having the opportunity to practice with a small group of familiar people, all of whom are near the same level of asana practice as you, and with a great teacher whose style suits you is just what you need.

I have that opportunity every week. I am so fortunate. It is a class I always enjoy, with people who are not competitive or neurotic about their mats or their for any other reason beyond the love of our teacher and our practice.

While I am undertaking the challenge of Astanga, having these regular classes that are not astanga and that are comfortable to some degree is an amazing reprieve. My teacher told me today to remember to be kind to myself. I have been, but her comment reminded me of the delicate meeting place of the yamas and niyamas.

Tapas often involves voluntarily subjecting oneself to unpleasant things, but there is a difference between this and harming or injuring yourself. Intention plays a big role, expectations too, and and acknowledging and appreciating the aspects of yourself that make each obstacle a challenge. Tapas is undertaken with the realization that the obstacle is preventing you from moving forward, from rising above, from fully recognizing all the yamas and niyamas at your greatest potential.

It's true that many people choose to undertake a practice of tapas, but we don't always choose to enter Tapas moments - for example, you may find yourself on a conference call in which your boss is screaming unnecessarily and agitating everyone around you, and yourself. Tapas becomes tapas based on the way you choose to react or deal with the situation - either to challenge yourself to overcome the obstacle, or to fall back into your habits and tendencies.

I love Hatha yoga, and as far as study and practice go it is where my interest lies. But all paths of yoga and all traditions have remarkable qualities. They all have something to offer at some point in your journey (why do you think so many excellent teachers have practiced so many different styles throughout their careers?) At this point, I have noticed that not only do I have a fear/concern that I won't be able to maintain my interest in yoga, I also see in myself the very changeable Vata qualities that are dominant in my personality. I don't like routine, I don't like monotony. I have hundreds of interests, and to some degree I consider myself a Jane of all trades because I have tried and investigated and toyed with so many different topics and issues and hobbies. For me, the challenge of astanga is Tapas because the consistency and routine, as well as the intensity and length of the practice go against a lot of my natural qualities. But it is not just a physical tapas, it is a mental tapas.

I want to demonstrate to myself and my teachers that even when it gets tough, even when I don't want to do it anymore because I am bored or frustrated or tired, that I recognize those are just aspects of the fluctuations of consciousness. They don't represent my potential or my current ability, or how far I've come. And that I am willing and able to work through those.

These obstacles are small compared to others I will probably encounter, but we all have to start somewhere. I am starting here.