a little short on sorrow

Ever have one of those days, weeks, months when your life (and sometimes yourself) is changing so fast you can almost see it and feel it?

I don't have a date for sdd anymore; maybe it was the gay thing, but i sort of expected more out of my best friend. just won't call me back, or anything.
Definitely glad I haven't bought tickets yet.
This also means I don't have anyone to live with after graduation (the plans were for DC, but in reality I guess this applies anywhere I go).

Also discovered Saturday morning that someone stole the air deflector off the back of my truck. Right in the parking lot behind Webb, just ripped it right off. The fact that it had been on there for 11 years notwithstanding, now my car looks ugly because the adhesive strip is still on there and there's a lot of dirt and markings from where the thing used to be.
My car is my pride and joy. It has no dents, dings, or scratches from anything other than highway debris (which i have no control over.) I take good care of her because I love her, perhaps more than anything else I possess. Plus, she was expensive and is still my dream car (I even forgive the fact that i can't plug in my ipod.)
Where is that petition for security cameras in our parking lots? I'm adding my john hancock.
Just pissed about that. It is indeed, just a piece of plastic, and when it comes down to it I'm grateful that nothing else was taken (like my t/s cds... hello - those are like gold.)


Beyond petty ramblings, I'm feeling almost uncomfortably unattached. Beyond the obvious no spouse and children, I am now petless :o( and I really have no strings to anything. I don't have a specific circle of friends that I really belong to; apparently don't have a best friend now either.

I feel like using life like a slingshot, and sort of propelling myself in the direction of something interesting. Like canada.
I do want to be sure that I'm not running from something (like my parents..) and that whatever I do, I am moving forward instead of trying to hide. And there's a small part of me that just screams for a reason not to do something crazy and spontaneous and far away; A reason to do what is logical. And I just don't have one.

I'm sick of being around people who are connected. Not to imply that I don't love the people I know, or that they aren't amazing (they are). It's difficult being the one individual who doesn't have someone to pal around with, or anyone to hang out with consistently, or even one other being who concerns themselves with my existence, reliably. I don't like spending entire weekends alone, and I don't going days without having real conversations with people I care about. And the issue is that everybody has someone else. I must've just missed that train somewhere. I tend to think that if I uproot myself and move to some place different, I'm more likely to meet people who aren't connected. People who are looking for that someone else.

don't get me wrong. i'm not even talking about dating relationships here. that's a boiling kettle i don't care to deal with.

It has occured to me that at times my life at macon feels like I am an observer in some sociological experiment. Everyone knows me, and some people remember I'm there and like me, but mostly I'm sitting back, watching everyone go about their lives. I don't feel included, or involved at all.

In addition, I only overthink things on days that end in Y, so when i babble out things like above it can certainly be disregarded.
For every down there is an up; meaning, keep reading. things will have to start looking up sooner or later :o)


My friend Lianna is going to be famous. Because she is talented in too many ways to describe. Or by process of elimination (someone in our group has to end up famous, and it isn't going to be...)
And finally out of respect to Collier, Telluride (the city) is indeed in Colorado. And also in Idaho. But not in Montana.

you learn something new everyday.