Is Marriage Obsolete?

I'm home sick today, so I'm watching shows I don't normally get to see.
On the Today show, they had a short (think 30 seconds) interview with a journalist from the Atlantic who wrote an article about marriage being obsolete. To counter her - yes, counter in a 30 second segment - they had a female psychologist who recently celebrated her 20th anniversary.

The argument made by the journalist is that the cultural purpose of marriage has changed, evolving from a business transaction meant to keep men on the farm working, to a necessary social construct when lifespans were short and reproduction was crucial, to a 'companionship' model.

The psychologist countered the journalist by basically saying "since you (the journalist) recently had an affair and went through a separation that's probably why you have these feelings". Rather than addressing the sociological aspect of marriage as a cultural institution, she targeted the journalist for her personal life. Now, the contrast of the experiences between the two women is interesting, but the journalist recently separated from a partner she was with for 20 years. Suffice it to say she perhaps has more prespective on the issue having been both in the position of the psychologist and in the position of someone whose relationship didn't end up working out in the long term.

The psychologist also argued that today people seek to marry because they want a partner for life. I find this logic incredibly flawed as an argument for marriage. First and foremost, science is increasingly showing that humans, like many other mammals, have a tendency toward multiple partners in life. Long-term or lifelong partners do occur, and I think that it does an injustice to us as rational beings to propose that we need a legally binding construct, or a certificate, or a formal ceremony, to ensure that we will be together for life. Based on the rate of divorce in our country and in the world, I have to think that the inherent quality of the relationship determines whether people stay or get married, not vice-versa. It only makes sense to me that if you have a bad relationship, you aren't any more likely to stay together for life just because you get married. However, throughout my life I've known of many families and couples who spend their lives together without ever getting married - a case in which they are life-partners and that status isn't legitimized or delegitimized by their marital status.

That being said, I have to ask as the journalist did - if there is no cultural, constructive use for marriage (beyond the obvious legally/civilly granted benefits) what is the point? If anything, disregarding the marriage institution will take the stress off of social expectations in relationships and focus on the personal and human aspect. I think the civil and legal benefits of a long-term partnerships DO have a place in our society simply for the maintenance of families and communities, but I think this could be addressed by making civil unions the norm. A simple legal designation that opens up the options for combining insurance and health coverage, wills and estates, and care of children. As our society evolves, our social institutions and constructs ought to evolve as well. Just as monarchical and theocratic rule are an awkward fit in today's society - though they had a working purpose centuries ago - the way we construct our communities and families can't stay the same.

I think what I saw this morning on the Today show was the usual conflict when we challenge what we know - in this case the psychologist responding from a place of feeling like this article threatened something that is the core of her life, and not recognizing the legitimacy of the journalist's experience. Sounds kind of counter-intuitive for a psychologist, but we all have a tendency to react personally when it comes to issues of our lives rather than stepping back to take a more rationalized perspective.

just some thoughts. no links because i don't feel like hunting along the net today digging up relevant information and copying, pasting, hyperlinking, and formatting.