I am Out.
After reflecting on 2008 and looking forward to what I hope 2009 will bring, I realized that there was only one way to assure that this new year started off on a good note for me. So yesterday I came out to my mother.
Other parents should take courses from her on how to react to their kids coming out. While I gave the benefit of a doubt that my mother wouldn't be cruel to me, or hurtful, or disown me, I never completely ruled that out as a possibility. I'm an analytical, planning person, and I had backup plans for every scenario. Nonetheless, my relief was incredible when she just smiled and said "I knew that already."
I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my parents, and I know that many, if not most, people do not have such openness and unconditional love in their families.
From the moment I came out to myself, I resolved to be who I was - to accept myself and be myself all the time. I haven't been hiding the fact that I am gay, nor have I pretended to be straight in the presence of my parents (goodness knows my dad is sick of hearing me rave about Rachel Maddow!) That being said, it is a big deal because although I anticipated that my parents at least suspected my being gay, my love life, my sexuality and my relationships have never been a topic of conversation. Mostly this is because I choose not to initiate that type of conversation, and my parents respectfully don't pry.
I feel a responsibility both toward my parents and myself to actually take the time to say "I'm gay." They need to hear it from me. They need to know that I'm not a different person because I'm gay, that I'm proud of who I am just like they taught me I should be, and that I trust them enough to be open about it. I don't want it to be some unspoken understanding. That's unhealthy for a family, and as I grow older and my personal relationships are more serious I want both my parents and my partners/girlfriends/whatevers to appreciate and respect each other. I never want the experience of bringing someone home to an awkward unwelcoming situation. I owe myself and my future that much.
2 comments:
WAHOO!!! I'm proud of you, babe! That is a GREAT way to start out the year. Props.
Hey congratulations. My mother told me one day outta the blue "you are like gayer than Ellen" so i never really had to come out. Props on having the guts to do it!
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