Girls Are Strong!

I've identified as a feminist for a very long time. When I was in the bookstore recently I picked up a copy of Jessica Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism, because I am a regular visitor to her website and a loyal follower of the philosophy that feminism is for everyone. Reading the book (which is choc-full of information I'm mostly familiar with, but organized in an incredibly eloquent and informative fashion) I began thinking about the aspects of my life that led me to be a very strong advocate for feminism.

I always thought I was a pretty normal kid. I had two parents who loved me very much, and who have great respect for each other and their children. But when I think back to my "childhood" now I realize more and more that there were specific moments that ultimately helped me define the person I am and continue to become.

I identify myself as a radical feminist - I support all the standard feminist causes and beliefs, but I also believe that the double-standards and obstacles women face are inherent to the structure of our society. Everything from the basis of many mainstream religions to the format of government is built from a starting point of patriarchy. The Bible, the book I was raised to follow, even depicts God as a male supremacist - God is a male, God created man first, God created woman to serve man, God tells man that woman is to be joyous in her servitude and subordination. We've been through 43 presidents in our country and all have been men; now we're having to jump through hoops just to show that a woman can be a legitimate candidate. The government is giving schools and ultimatum to teach abstainance-only sex education, many programs of which are rought with misinformation and literal untruths, and most of which pen teenage girls as the ones responsible for not provoking boys to be sexual. Think about it - a poor school in an area that has low income families, high crime, and high rates of highschool dropouts and teenage pregnancy is given an ultimatum: they can teach abstainance-only sexed and receive government funding, or they can teach comprehensive sexed that informs teens about safe sex, stds and contraception but be even more financially disadvantaged. Finally, it's got to say something about our society when men and women equally qualified doing exactly the same job get paid different salaries, often times within the same company (and men are the ones getting paid more - last I checked women still get paid an average of $.73 for every $1 a man makes).

I'm not a man-hater. That's not what this belief means - I don't think that men are the enemy. I simply think that it is going to take a lot more than just legislation to bust this bad habit. We've been at this as a species for a really long time, and we clearly can't just snap our fingers and be done with it.

Like I said before, I've been a feminist for a long time. I was pushing boys down on the playground when I was in nursery school. I never let them get away with thinking they were better than me. But my first real memory of feeling like a feminist was in first grade, when this boy in my class called me a feminazi. I think it had something to do with some playground discussion about how girls should be able to play baseball too. As much as I want to believe that perhaps I was beyond precocious, I'm much more bothered by the fact that this boy in my class new the word "feminazi" and, at age 7, new how to use it.

The same boy, now grown, tormented me with that word - FEMINAZI - all through highschool. In fact, he wrote it on several occasions in my yearbook at the end of the schoolyear. The older I got, the less the actual phrase really bothered me, and the more his passionate use and disdain for the idea did. Why should I be equated with Hitler just because I want to be respected, just because I speak my mind and don't intend to spend the rest of my life serving a man? Why should I be stuck with a label concurrent with murder and supremacy when in fact the person calling me a "feminazi" is telling me I'm out of place, and that he as a male is my superior.
He wasn't the only male I've run into who has taken that attitude toward me; in fact I'd have to say that the majority of men/boys I've encountered in my life have taken that attitude toward me. One guy a friend of mine was dating looked at me the moment I met him and said "You're very pretty, but boy are you abrasive. Shame."

My mom and dad always told me that I could be anything I wanted to be. When I was little I had books and blocks and crayons. No one ever told me there was a problem with girls playing baseball or knowing where the engine, fan, batter, etc. is under the hood of their cars, or wanting to build things or write or do public speaking or politics. My home life was full of "yes you can."
Thanks Mom and Dad.

Now I've got this unease, this awkward feeling because I'm really proud to be a woman and I tend to think that women are more capable, more deserving and much stronger than they or anyone else allow themselves to be. Part of this comes from spending four years at a woman's college. When everyone around you is female you lose that habituation to men opening doors for you or expecting to earn your time just because they've bought you a drink. At my college we were all women, and mostly all friends, but also fierce competitors and even more fierce challengers. We always said "if you can survive Macon, you can do anything" and it's the truth. That all female environment was tougher than any situation I've ever faced with a member of the opposite sex. But the unease comes from seeing women disregard the fact that they can be more - walking around talking only about clothes and shoes, saying oh they aren't going to worry about that because their boyfriends will take care of it. Or even facing this double-standard in my own life, at work, on the street, in the grocery store.. wherever.

Anyway, I'm making it a point to get to know the women who, in the last century or two, have used their time and energy to make change so that I can be here today writing a blog, reading a book, or walking down the street freely and independently.

There are a lot of different 'types' of feminists (goes back to that whole labeling movement) but ultimately being a feminist is about being proud to be a woman, and taking responsibility and action for your own well being. You can't expect men to know what is best for you, because they've never been you. So stand up for yourself.

I highly recommend Valenti's book, especially if you aren't as familiar with "right now" feminism and the issues to be addressed, but even if you are it is worth the read.
Additionally, there are other names you can look for if you happen to wander into the Women/Gender Studies section at the book store -
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Susan Faludi, Simone deBeauvoir, and Betty Friedan have all written feminist cult-classics that are must reads.
You might also check out material about Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, or hell even the wikipedia page on feminism gives a pretty decent run down.
If you're the visual type, check out Iron-Jawed Angels, about the suffragettes.
and of course, DO go to Feministing.com and make it a regular stop on your daily web surf.
Go get educated.

Happy International Women's Day, and Happy Women's History Month!

because women's work is never done
and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or
repetitious and we're the first to get fired
and what we look like is more important than
what we do and if we get raped it's our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't
we're frigid and if we love women it's because
we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our
doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or
pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive
and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical
weak females and if we want to get married we're
out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural
and because we still can't get an adequate safe
contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if
we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made
to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots and
lots of other reasons we are part of the
women's liberation movement